My son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. So autism is as much a part of my life as eating and drinking. However, I can control my eating and drinking but I can’t control autism. What I can do is work with it. It’s getting easier each day, and when our Curly surprises us we embrace the good things we are discovering and manage the negative ones so that we can turn them into positives.
We don’t give up, and although we read a lot of negative articles by experts and researchers, we don’t believe them, especially not when a study only looked at 8-15 children! Bullshit!
One area we read about but never gave up on is love. Love.
In their final words to me just before they confirmed his diagnosis, some of the panel members commented that Curly will have a lot of trouble expressing feelings for us and that I should not get my hopes up because it would take forever for him to learn to love. One of the experts told me that
- I shouldn’t be too hopeful because many autistic children will ‘never’ show real emotions
- The fact that my son showed very little interest in me during the pre-diagnosis observation is a sign that I shouldn’t expect any different as he grows up
- A lot of the time autistic children do not ‘develop the same’ emotions and concerns for other people. He might never know when to kiss, hug or sympathise with me, and
- I should get used to it, because this is our life now.
My take on the above?
Do NOT ever let any other parent and so-called experts tell you what your child can’t do. Only listen to the voice in your head that tells you that you haven’t tried, so don’t give up. Try the best that you can. When you fail, try another strategy.
My son hugs and tells me he loves me, without prompting him. He caresses my cheeks if I look sad!! At first I did believe that maybe the experts were right. But through contact with my child and through constant teaching how to communicate his feelings, emotions, needs and wants, we have managed to help him not only express himself better but to show his feelings through actions such as kissing, caressing, hugging, and blowing kisses. He also knows when to tell us how he feels about us or about other people. Even if he had not been autistic, we would have naturally given him the same freedom as we do now to choose who he likes or dislikes even if they’re family or friends.
He’s good at expressing his love. He shows as much love and affection as any other child that I know. So tell me, dear experts, wherefore do you think you have the right to make such dumb conclusions?
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